Great Tips for Great Marriages

Here are a few practical things to build stronger marriages…

Make Christ the center of your union – pray and have devotion together regularly.

Don’t treat others better than you treat your spouse.

Continue to date. Don’t stop because you’re married.

Surprise your spouse occasionally.

Compliment more. Criticize less.

No matter how busy you are, always make time for just the two of you.

Say “I love you” a lot.

Hold hands, hug and kiss every day.

Don’t keep secrets from each other.

Accept the flaws in your spouse.

Support one another. Be the first one to stand up and take the other’s side.

Laugh often.

Practice good communication: talking and listening.

Don’t compare your marriage to other marriages.

Brag about your spouse.

Be committed to your marriage. Ban the word “divorce” from your vocabulary. And don’t even think about an affair.

Don’t sweat the small stuff, life is too short.

Spice it up! Make love in different places and positions.

Fight boredom by doing something fun together.

Don’t take each other for granted.

Create your own rituals and traditions.

Love isn’t always a feeling. After you have been married for a number of years, love can often be a decision.

Every couple has conflict. It’s how you resolve the conflict that matters.

Be respectful and kind to each other.

Say “I’m sorry.” (And mean it)

Do you have a tip to share?

 

Infidelity-women are talking

Most who know me know that I’m passionate about certain topics and marriage is definately one of them. After talking to some friends this week, here are a few things that we have been discussing:

There really isn’t a way to safeguard a marriage from infidelity. No marriage is exempt from the possibility of temptation. However, marriage is an investment. When we acquire car insurance, it doesn’t mean that an accident won’t happen or when we buy a home security system, it doesn’t mean that our homes won’t be targeted by an intruder. We make an investment in those things for protection. Marriage shoud be treated in the same manner by placing a hedge around our marriage and investing in those practical things that will minimize the risk of it happening.

Here’s the twist.. Even if we were the perfect spouse doing all of the right things, infidelity could still find it’s way into a marriage. Why? Because ultimately a person makes the choice to cheat. It is a character flaw that exists within a person. Now, there are some situtations where there is a breakdown in an otherwise strong marriage and a person makes the mistake of falling into an affair. When exposed, they acknowledge the wrong behaivor, expresses genuine regret and repentance and make the necessary changes to resestablish covenant and accountability with their spouse. However, there are some spouses who are repeat offenders of infidelity – and that is a much greater problem. I strongly believe in generational curses. Individuals may come from a family history of this behavior and unless the blood of Jesus is applied to cut off the line of sin, it will continue down through the generations.

In terms of a person’s own security, it really doesn’t matter. There are very secure and confident women who find themselves dealing with this issue. I don’t see Hilary Clinton as an insecure woman but infidelity came into her marriage. On the flip side of the matter of one’s security, some of us as women can be so secure that we fail to recognize the signs of infidelity. Also, we’re so secure and confident that we inadvertently make our husbands feel insecure (as though we don’t need them and can make it with or without them) – that’s a potential issue for many men and threat to a marriage. (more on this later) Especially as wives, we must use wisdom and discernment because men are wired a little differently that we are as women.

We could go on and on about infidelity because there are so many facets of the issue. Satan would love to take every adulterous affair and destroy a solid marriage; but we’d rather see what was meant for evil be used for good. (Genesis 50:20) Together, lets pray and believe God for marriages of covenant. Let us stand in the gap for those who are currently going through this issue. It’s not an easy road for them and nor should it be easy for us. Women are always connected through our experiences. We should never think so highly of ourselves that we fail to see the roads traveled by others or should I say “by our sisters”.Blessings,
Tracy

 

Keeping “faithfulness” in marriages.

I believe that it is vital that we encourage one another to live spiritually whole and healthy lives in the Lord Jesus. So, together, what can we do to build up stronger marriages?

Here is the question/s of the week:

For those who have been faithfully married or have survived an affair and the marriage is now stronger, what advice would you offer to couples to help them safeguard their marriages from infidelity? Also, do you believe that couples that pray together consistently will stay together and is it enough?

Please pass this along for others to share.

Tracy

 

A stage…..continued

In light of recent media news, I just had to continue from my last blog post about infidelity. Although it has been awhile, my thoughts are still fresh.

I summarized a movie that I watched years ago that revealed to me just how Satan often operates in our lives to cause discord in relationships. Healthy, harmonious relationships are in direct opposition of what the enemy wants for us. It doesn’t matter if its marriage, family, on the job or otherwise. Just like the movie, Satan’s goal is to stir up enough confusion and/or issues among us that it will ultimately break down the relationships. We have to remember that he can only do what we allow him to do. Although Satan would like to manipulate people like puppets on a string, we do have the power of the Holy Spirit to help us choose right actions and responses. We may not always operate by the Spirit but He is available to us. Once we step back and really reason together, we can begin to identify the source of our problems and put into action a plan to come out victorious.

In marriage, attacks can and do come in different ways but God desires us to endure in covenant with Him and with our spouses. Unfortunately, adultery has existed even in biblical times and it probably won’t cease to exist in our lifetime. What we can do is begin to bring attention to the damaging effects of this issue. Its not just a marital problem, it is a societal problem. It is how we view marriage as a society. At some level, it really affects everyone.

Reflect back on media highlights of Bill Clinton, John Edwards, Kobe Bryant and of course now Tiger Woods. Its exposed but left alone until the next story comes along. Yet with dogfighting, drug raids, child trafficking, its exposed followed by an attemp to educate and to form organizations against such activity. But what about infidelity? Where is the accountability? Who needs to openly address it? I say the church because marriage needs to be elevated back to God, the Creator. It is not just a union of a man and a woman. Any two individuals can get married. But when it is connected to the Creator of man and woman, the One who gives life to the man and woman, then it takes on another meaning of marriage. Although the church should be educating, we have to take into account that we are struggling with the same issues in the church family. For this reason, I believe that it requires even greater attention. As Believers, we want to live abundantly but with so many issues, we’re struggling. It is time to bring some matters to the forefront so that we can get answers, insight and healing.

The good news is that we can endure and overcome by the grace of God. His love is sufficient for each situation that we face. If we’re willing to become students of the Word/Jesus and servants of the Word/Jesus, then we’re well on our way to abundant living.

I’ll be back. Until then… lets keep Christ first.

Tracy

 

A stage has been set before the problems arise…..

Okay. The comments, questions and words of wisdom are great for dialogue on this subject matter. I really like how the advice ranged from how a marriage should be initially established with key words such as standards, covenant, commitment, choice, respect, “an offering” to surviving an affair and allowing God to bring healing and restoration. Other issues addressed included having other relationships outside of marriage, marrying the wrong person, making the standards of accountability the same for both men and women and oh yes, emotional versus physical cheating. Thanks to everyone joining in!

You know, I’m not an expert on relationships but I really “have a thing” for openly discussing topics that really meet women where they are in their lives. I really feel that living for Christ is an incredible journey but we still have the same issues to confront. The difference is that God’s word has to come off the pages of the Bible and truly become applicable to every challenge that we face. Is it easy? No, but with God, all things are possible!

This is what I believe based upon personal experience and the experiences of others. Before the actual act of infidelity takes place, there is a prelusive stage that has been set for every individual involved. Understand that satan believes that he is the master of orchestrating our ultimate destruction through various deceptive tactics. Don’t be deceived- adultery is a major blow to any marriage. Based upon what I know, the setup typically comes long before the actual “play”!

Years ago, I watched a movie that has remained with me today. It took place in a nice, quiet little town where people lived peacefully and in harmony with one another. One day, a gentleman came to town and set up shop (a gift shop) in the center of the community. At first, everyone who visited the little shop was kindly welcomed and loved the great little finds. Then, very subtly, the owner began to say and do little things that began to stir a little confusion among the people. He started with one person at a time. Before long, the once small, quiet little town had become a scene of bickering, accusations, fighting and total chaos. While they were in the midst of all the confusion, the screen changed to the gentlemen sitting in a chair in a room laughing with pride and with a sense of great satisfaction. Very strategically, he had managed to manipulate people, emotions, and situations like puppets on a string to ultimately accomplish his mission. His laugh was evil and everything about him spiritually and physically had turned dark and cold. Finally, the people started to quiet down enough to began to talk to one another. They realized that all of the issues started when this man came into town. So, they came together and ran buddy out of the town and they returned to the peaceful community that once existed. By the end of the movie, I had the association of just how the enemy works in so many situations in our lives. Especially, in marriage.

If you’re wondering, “What does this movie summary have to do with infidelity?” Allow me to explain in my next post……

Tracy

 

Marriage – Infidelity

Good morning everyone!

I just want to say that today is the 7th wedding anniversary for me and my hubby. Somebody say, “Praise the Lord”. We thank and continue to trust God for our journey together “as one” and we’re believing God for even greater things to come.

Now, here is what I want to talk about…

This is an issue that has been coming to my heart and attention for over a year. While driving home a few years ago, I heard a question asked on a Christian radio station. The female host asked this, “Single women, are you honoring God in the type of relationships that you have with the husbands of women?” It really caught my attention because it striked me as a very polite and polished way of asking the question. My version probably would’ve been presented in this manner, “Ladies, are you messin’ with somebody’s husband?” I couldn’t listen in to the program but that introduction has always remained with me.

This year alone, I have heard story after story of marital affairs. The most unfortunate part about these situations is that they involved individuals in the church. Covenants have been broken, children have been devastated and everyone just goes along their merry way.

So, here is what I want to do. Let’s really look at this thing called “infidelity”. How does it begin? How does it develop? How does it end? What are the consequences? How can one recover and find healing or forgiveness?

*This discussion could take awhile so I hope we can journey together. Please forward this to others who might have an interest in this issue and would like to give their comments or insight.

Let’s begin……God created man and woman to be naturally attracted to one another. Before marriage, we may have different relationships before deciding to marry. (There is the exception in some cultures) Here is my initial question, “Once the decison has been made to marry, there is still the opportunity or temptation to be attracted to someone outside of the marriage but what should now govern the marriage covenant?”

Blessings to all,
Tracy

 

Live, Live, Live!

It is a great day in the Lord and I desire everyone to rejoice in the goodness of Him who lives.

Think about this..

What would it be like if you were truly free to be you? If you could live your life thriving in the things that bring you the most joy, what would you do? If you have Jesus, then you really should have the abundant life. Anything old and lacking to yield fruit in your life should’ve been nailed to the cross. There needs to be a resurrection of new life within you. Haven’t you heard? With God, all things are possible. (Matthew 19:26) Don’t settle for complacency but live with expectancy! Nothing should hold you back from making the most of what God has given to you. Today, tell yourself that you shall live joyfully and abundantly and that your dreams will not die with you. It’s never too late to start dreaming but today is the day to start living.

Pass this along and have an incredible week!

Tracy

 

JESUS or nothing at all.

Jesus Christ is truly Lord of all. It doesn’t matter what condition or state in which you currently find yourself, if you elevate Christ to the top of your priority list, then you shall receive power to withstand and overcome the attacks of the enemy, to speak life into the dead places of your life and to live abundantly in preparation for a soon coming King.

What or shall I say who are you hungering and thirsting for today? It has to be for the love of Jesus. If there was ever a time to go after Jesus with everything within you, it needs to be now. There is trouble on the horizon but I see Jesus just beyond that same horizon. It’s time to shake loose and off some “stuff”. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “change is good”. Sometimes, if we want what God wants for us, we need to make some changes. For me, it has meant changing my thought process, my attitude, my surroundings and my relationships. Whatever it takes to draw closer into the presence of God, then that is what must take place. We should want nothing less than to experience the power, authority and anointing of God in our lives. I say… lets do this together and truly give Christ first place as He deserves.

All For Him,
Tracy

 

Now that I’m back…..

It seems like forever since I’ve actually had the time to sit at the computer and type anything. My time management has been completely off the past few weeks but I believe that it’s getting better.

I appreciate those of you who checked in with me to make sure that I’m okay and to ask if I’m still writing. I needed to make some changes because of other changes but all is well.

I explained in my newsletter this month that I will use this blog to just have casual conversation with all of you instead of articles now. I’m transitioning, so I need to adjust to keep myself balanced. Besides, it’s less formal and I can blog more frequently.

I’m glad to be back and if you want to join me on this blog and you haven’t signed up already, be sure to click on the “Subscribe” button at the top right and sign up for ongoing communication.

Tracy

 

No More Excuses

Now that I have moved through the fear issue, it’s time to address the ongoing excuses we make for not pursuing desires, dreams or goals. I often find myself making excuses to God to justify why I can’t or shouldn’t do something. Although I may not verbally say it, I think it.

God chose Moses to lead the children of Israel out of Egypt and He told Moses what to do and what to speak to the people. (Exodus 4:10) In response, Moses told the Lord that he wasn’t eloquent, but slow of speech and tongue. He immediately went into the excuse mode emphasizing his insufficiencies. But God had to let Moses know that He made the mouth of man. God told Moses to “go” and he would help him speak and teach him what to say. But then, Moses asked the Lord to send someone else. The Lord became angry and had Aaron, who spoke well to be the spokesman for Moses. Just as I stated in “No More Fears”, God requires obedience first. He’s saying to us that if we would just move simply because he said so, then he will order the remaining steps. However, sometimes when we fail to follow, God will follow through with someone else who is ready and willing.

I know that I am guilty of making excuses and each excuse points directly back to me and some area of inadequacy. The point that needs to be understood is that when we remove self and replace it with God, then all things can be possible. In our weaknesses, God’s strength is made perfect. When we can say, “God, not I, but You”, then we can become the vehicle by which God can demonstrate His great and mighty work in our lives. I love the phrase, “And to God be the glory”. Why? It attests to the sovereignty of God. It implies that God has manifested Himself through a particular person or situation to achieve something that would have otherwise been impossible to achieve without Him. It means that we can’t take credit for the outcome. When it is complete, you know that it was only by God’s hand that it happened because although you contained the essential ingredients, it took the stirring of his hand to carefully blend His sufficiency with our lack to deliver a blessing beyond understanding or ability.

For me, NO MORE EXCUSES! If I have to do it afraid, then so be it. If I fail a time or two, then so be it. I’ll take each experience and grow from it. What I don’t want is to look back someday and wonder, “What If?” I encourage you to take this path with me. Leave behind the fears and excuses for not moving out into God’s purpose for you. If it’s you that is holding you back, then maybe it’s time to replace “you” with God and allow Him to have control in your life.

All For Him – TK

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